Hitting it big in Tunica ! (or leaving a me and coming back a we)

I'm happy to report that Den finally popped the question on Thursday night. Guess this makes me an engaged woman now! Yipee!!!! I know, I know, you want all the gritty details don't you? Well,since we are frineds and all, I'll be nice and give you the low down.

We went to Tunica this past weekend (we like playing the slots) and we were having the best time possible. That Thursday night, we had went to dinner and then we came back to the hotel room. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, there was a bowl of fruit and a bottle of champange on the table. Den asked me to feed him and I'm like, "what do you want me to feed you for?" He's all "Shut up,I'm trying to be romantic."

I know,real mushy,right?


Anyway, then we're laying on the bed and I'm feeding him grapes and stuff and the he asks me to give him some strawberries and while I'm looking for them, he manages to roll off the bed and get down on one knee.He then proceeds to give this big speech about how "we've been together in good times and bad times and he's seen me when I was sick and he took care of me. You're a part of me and wil you marry me?"

Now, please be aware that while he's saying all this, I don't hear anything, all I see is the ring. Finally, when he stopped talking, I took the ring from him and did a little happy dance around the room. I'm sure you think I was overreacting,but think whatever you want.

You just don't understand....I've been waiting 5 years for this ring...5 years!!!

After dancing around for a while, he says "so, is that a yes or a no?" Of course I said yes. So now,I'm an enegaed woman and it's a very strange feeling.I can no longer refer to Den as my boyfriend but my fiancee. It's a strange feeling to say the least.

My friend was joking that since I'm engaged, I can't check out guys anymore. I laugh and say" hey, just because you've put the menu down doesn't mean you still can't look ." What's the harm in that?

Why can't people follow the rules? (or Tam's list of work related pet peeves)

Early on in life, you are taught that their are rules and how important it is to follow the rules. "Don't talk to strangers," "don't cross the street without looking both ways,""don't speak out of turn," "don't talk with your mouth full," "don't wear your underwear over your pants," "don't talk too loud in the library." Rules are created to keep us out of harm's way, keep us out of trouble, and serve to make our lives much,much easier. However, I've come to learn from working at the public library that for every rule out there, there is someone making an extra effort to totally break that rule.


The first thing that annoys me is this: why is it that the minute people step into a public place, they feel possessed to talk loud enough for folks in at least three other states to hear them. Now don't get it twisted... I'm not saying that folks shouldn't be able to talk when in public places, I'm just saying that you should know what's the right thing to say and what's not the right thing to say.

I'll give you a prime example. If I come to a business to use a serivce (like a library,) I should be able to do whatever I came to do without having to sit next to someone who's having an hour long conversation on their cell phone or talking to their friend next to them about what they did last night and who they were with. I feel this is tacky and that the conversation could be had at a later time. Unfortunately, people on cell phones have become a major problem where I work and so we have signs posted throughout the Reference department asking people to be respectful and use the phones away from the computers.

Of course, people pay little or no attention to the signs...nope, no attention at all. Acutally, I've suggested we use electro-shock and cattle prods on patrons when they answer their phones....that'll teach 'em. (just kidding!)

Another work related problem that I have is with people who come to the library and then act like they're at home. What do I mean? I'm talking about the homeless people that come to sleep to the library during the day and snore so loud, they scare the other patrons away. I'm also talking about the people that come to the library and then proceed to take off their shoes,curl up in a chair and go to sleep or the ones who come with their boyfriend/girlfriend/significan other and then decide to play a nice little game of "squeeze and grab".

When I'm mentioning the folks sleeping in the library, I'm not talking about taking a normal, short, brief catnap either. I'm talking about someone who hasn't had a comfortable sleep on a comfortable surface (like a bed) in a long while and is slobbering in the chair kind of sleep. I think the thing that disturbs me the most about the is that babies drool and play on the same chairs that these homeless people have slobbered on or that some guy and his junkie girlfriend have made out on. Ick,ick,ick!

Another thing that irritates me at work has to do with people who come to the library and then act like they run the place. I've had to experience this several times, especially when dealing with computer sign ups. People get upset so easily over things that aren't even theirs. They get mad if they can't use the computer right away. They get mad when their time to use the computer over. If you can't get them to where they want to go, they take it out on you, as if you've made it your personal daily mission to make their life as miserable as humanly possible. Oh, yeah, I really do like awake at nights thinking of all the ways to torture the patrons that come into the library.

The only thing that makes me madder are the people who think that because I'm black, I must not know what I'm talking about. This has also happened to me alot. I've had people come to the desk, ask me a question and then come back five minutes later and ask a white co-worker the same question. Now, this really hurts me because my mom raised me to treat everyone the same way no matter what color they are and to always give 110%. I feel saddened that people question my skills as a library employee and that they feel that they can't trust my judgment. It's awful to think that in 2004 racism is still alive and well in Alabama.

I just really wish that people could try to follow the rules as opposed to breaking them.

Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

Lately, people have been pressuring me about my realtionship with D. I love him, he loves me (I'm sure),but he has yet to show the slightest inkling of wanting to make a long term commitment. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't find the words to fully convey how hurt I feel; I've run out of things to say.

I tell him all the time how much I love him and want us to be together for the long haul;I've even proposed on several occassions. At this point, I'm really beginning to think that I'm in a relationship which will be forever be in a state of perpetual limbo;never getting better, never getting worse...just being there.

There comes a point in life in which you come to the realization that no matter how much you want your life to go a certain way,things never go the way you want them to. Maybe it's my fault for sticking with him for what's about to be six years and thinking that someday he'll realize how great I am and he'll fall on his knee and pop the question.

Shame on me for being a big softie.

All I want is for someone to want to be with me forever and not just because they feel it's comfortable to be in a relationship with me. I want a man who'll be willing to accept me,crazy opinions, flaws and all.

The main problem I see right now is that on D.'s list of priorities, I'm really low on the totem pole (somewhere between finishing college and paying off his car). It's not like I even want to be center of his universe, just a planet in his galaxy,a star in his sky.

My name is Tamara, and I'm addicted to Walmart

I know what you're saying, how can I possibly be addicted to Walmart? Well, intially, I didn't suffer form what I like to call "Walmart-itis" but slowly, I begin to become addicted to going there. I mean, where else can you go and find clothes, cds, crochet supplies and do grocery shopping all at the same place!

The other reason why I like Walmart so much stems from the creation of Super Walmart. At regular Walmart, or as I like to call it, Walmart Lite, you can only buy clothes,furniture, other things but, there is no grocery area, so you still have to go somewhere else to get food. With Super Walmart however, you can get pretty much whatever you need at a lower price than other places.

Since they have put a Super Walmart in my neighborhood, people have been there non-stop which annoys me somewhat but is still good because this means that business is booming. I especially take comfort in knowing that whenever I finish shopping, I don't have to wait in line becuase there is a cashier waiting for you. Also if you don't want to stand in line, you can use the self- check-out register as well.

The only thing that makes me feel bad is the fact that there are people who have no idea what Walmart is; people who have never expereienced the joy that comes from being able to get everything at one place. I feel sorry for these folks who have to travel to more that one place when they could go to a Super Walmart and find everything.

While in the beginning, I was somewhat irritated by the concept of having a Super Walmart so close, I have come to embrace it and like having it around.

Kids are cute...until you have one

Currently, my brother and his girlfriend are trying to make a baby. I love children,I really do, as long as I know that when they start to cry, I can turn and give them back to their parents. For some reason though, kids, especially small ones, love my brother to death. The problem is not so much the fact that he's doing everything to create another life...it's more the fact that my brother is refusing to see the reality of the whole situation.

First of all, my brother is 23 while his girlfriend al all of 17. Second, my brother has no job.Not only does he not have a job, he has no intention of getting one. Right now, his girlfriend is working part-time at the Space and Rocket Center. Surely, this one source of income can't be expected to support a child.

Another thing you have to realize is how much of a temper my brother has. Sure he can tolerate kids for a short amount of time, but once the kid starts misbehaving and not listening to my brother, he doesn't want to be bothered with it. It's like he's totally obilivous to the fact that a kid is not a toy; something you can pick up and play with when you want to and then just put on a shelf.

When you lump this with the fact that my brother also suffers from the occasional roving eyes and that he has no intention of ever moving out of my mom's house, these should be signs that something is wrong.

Evidently, these lovebirds haven't gotten this memo.

I just don't get it. Why is it that people who don't need to have kids are the ones that do while folks that would be great parents are unable to have kids. This is a very sad state of affairs. I'm not saying that my brother shouldn't have kids ever;he just shouldn't do it now. He shold wait until he's older and more financially stable instead of having a kid and then having to stuggle.

Is that so much to ask for?

Is it wrong to want to trade in your father?

I love my parents, I really do. At least I love my mom anyway. When it comes to how I feel about my dad, I don't really care for him at all. It's just that he has this habit of being an extreme pain in the butt and he always struts around acting like he's the best thing since sliced bread when he is not.

Maybe, I should let bygones be bygones. After all, he is my father and I should treat him with the respect that he deserves....okay-even I find this statement hard to believe.I guess in order to be fair to my dad, I should try to forgive him for all the dirt he has done.

I am really mad at him because, for some reason, he feels that he can abandon his duties as a parent for twenty or so years and then come back and everyone should be patting him on the back for deciding to stop by for a while.

I'm not gonna sit here and act like all my problems in life stem from him not being around but I do feel that this is somewhat true. I have abandonment issues when it comes to men in my life. I feel like they're always going to leave me or are thinking about leaving me. That's why I always dump guys before they have the chance to dump me.

Anyway, call me old fashioned if you want but I feel that it is very important for a kid to have both parents around as they grow up. I know what you're thinking, "what it the two people hate each other's guts?" In that case, they can still live apart but strive to make an effort to incorporate themselves in the kid's life. I know, great to say but hard to do,especially when it comes to my dad.

What really upsets me about the whole thing with my dad is that he doesn't care. He was never around, never called, never stuck around, and it hilarious to me that he now has the nerve to try to tell me, my 23 year old brother, and my 21 year old sister what to do. Not to sound really ghetto or nothing but, NIGGA PLEASE!!!

All I ever wanted from him was to be responsible and be a father. I don't need some 50 year old man coming around me getting drunk and acting like some horny teenager,trying to hit on girls my age and younger. I want him stop coming around filling my mom's head with dreams of a reconciliation that will never come true and breaking her heart over and over again.

I want him to grow up and stop acting like an idiot. If he can't do that, I'd rather have him go away and never see him again.

What happened to willpower?

I was reading a People magazine from last week and I was disgusted by the cover.The cover had two women on the front who were being praised for having cosmetic work (thousands of dollars worth)done to themselves.I feel awful that this seems to be a new trend that's sweeping the nation of having anything you can think of surgically altered.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should don't get sugery done if that makes you happy or if it's a matter of life or death. I am saying that to me, it's ridiculous seeing what measures people will go to in order to be defined as "beautiful" by society.

So far, I know of two people who have had the gastric bypass done, a girl name R. and her mother. Her mother was scared to get it done, so R. went first although the doctor told her that she didn't need the surgery.Now several months later, they've both had it done and I have a feeling that R.'s sister will eventually have it done also.R. thinks she is the most beautiful girl in the world now, but she isn't. This is becuase she has yet to learn a important lesson that come with having any type of surgery:all the money in the world can't change your mind or your attitude. If you're a mean fat person, having weight loss surgery will only turn you into a mean skinny person.

I really wonder sometimes when did we all get so lazy that we've had to resort to surgery? I kind of think it has to do with the fact that we live in an instant society when we expect eveything to happen instantly. No one believes in waiting for things anymore. Why should they when things can be done so quickly?

The other thing that annoys me to no end are people who get weight loss surgery because they don't want to be in control of their lives;they want an outside force to control them.What do I mean? Okay, let's say that I really want an extra large pizza with the works. Once I get the pizza, it's up to me to decide how much I want and to exercise the willpower to stop when I feel full. There are some people who say that they have no willpower and no control when it comes to food so they need surgery to help them.

Personally, I would never get the surgery for two very important reasons. First, I feel that I can find anohter way to lose weight without having to shell out thousands of dollars. I owe it to myself to learn to eating the proper way, not surrender to what's trendy. The other reason for me not having the surgery is because I belive what the bible says about your body being a temple. I feel that it is a complete waste of time altering your body. I mean,it's not like you're going to be able to take it with you when you die.