It's Our Anniversary (COVID-19 Edition)

Wednesday, marked me and my hubby's 14 year wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that we've been married for fourteen years since the time has flown by so quickly. Here's a photo our us from our wedding day next to a photo of us from a cruise we took last year. 

Since Rona is still running rampant throughout the land, we decided to do a low key celebration of driving to nature, getting favorite food and ending the evening with a vegan cupcake for me since hubby isn't really into sweets. Although this was not the anniversary celebration we planned, I'm still blessed to be married and grateful to have someone to share life's ups and downs with.

Reflections of Mom (Poem)

Life has never been easy for you.

Raising three children alone,

never having any time for yourself to relax,

family judging all your choices,

highlighting all your mistakes,

making you feel less than.

Children are more observant than you think;

we see injustice but can't speak.

Words don't come easy for us.

Instead, we absorb everything we see.

Like a sponge, sadness leaks out of every pore as I see you being mistreated time and time again.

Family never help

only 

help themselves

to your

kindness, 

selflessness,

loyalty,

devotion.

Your work is not in vain for you know that all you give will one day be given back to you.

By watching your life,

you taught me how important it is to:

get up early,

work hard,

trust God,

things will work out even when it seem the won't.

God is faithful.

In the raging storms of life,

you are the tranquil shore off in the distance.

You did the best you could with what you were given -

given me life, steadfastness, and a love of reading.

I will never be able to fully repay you but I will never story trying.

You are loved.

You are worthy.

You are divine. 

Written 6.28.20

The 400 Year Old Carousel (Poem)

Stolen from our homeland

Broken bodies, bloodied hands

Up this solid rock I stand

Try to excel but instead get reprimands

400 years and you just now want to understand?

Abandoned in this foreign land, the carousel continues to spin until all comprehend.

Written 6.12.20

Song of the "Strong Black Woman" (Poem)

I'm a "strong black woman"

My superpower is resilience 

Smiling when the world beats me down

Remaining stoic when life is ripped from my arms

Hugs from those who slaughter my kin for the crime of existing 

I am so tired of being "strong"

Can't I have a moment to grieve, a second to mourn all that I have lost?

Don't I deserve a minute to fall apart without judgement or disgust to show that I'm a human too?            

Written 6.2.20

Everyday Acrobatics (Poem)

Who shall I be today?

Wake up to walk between two worlds

tightrope so thin, you can hardly see it

professional vs cultural

compliant co-worker vs savvy soul sister

too many masks create a heavy head.

Back hurts, neck strains but "strong black women" smile through the pain.

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Work twice as hard for three times the ignorance

Pulled in multiple directions, tugged in a war not of my own making

Can't play both sides when you don't know the rules of war

Acting as a midway point, balance is non existent

Personality is malleable

Smile (but not too big)

Help everyone (but don't ask for help because that shows weakness)

Bending one's self daily is exhausting

One's sense of self becomes murky

Pray for salvation, reconciliations or at least a temporary truce. 

Written 6.2.20

Desserted Again (Poem)

Desire plagues me both night and day as I savor the memories of our last tryst.

Counting down the hours,

                                       minutes,

                                                   seconds

                                                              until we are reunited is an exquisite type of torture.

Finally, liberation!

Racing home to claim my prize, I lose track of my surroundings, 

                                                      begin to lose my bearings as I prepare to slip into the comfort you give. 

Frantically, I twist and turn you,

                                                 flip and flop you,

                                                                         gasping for another taste.

Alas, you have left me wanting and alone; the last cookie is gone!

Written 10.17.19

Can You Hear Me Now? (Poem)

May hear, but few listen.

Yelling to be heard is fruitless as

poor words hitting rich ears.

Solitude in a crowd is a luxury afford to few.

Adaptability is key, conformity is optional.

Written 10.12.19

Morning Devotional (Poem)

"Wake me up before you go-go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo"

Awakened from slumber, sleep removed from my eyes, I arise

Arrive to exercise

Party of one as I circle the track

Track of my thoughts

Thoughts of my family

Family is everything

Everything is connected

Silence is broken by shuffling feet and breathing

Skies transformed from black to burnt orange

Using my body as an instrument of praise

Each step is a prayer for movement      

Written 10.10.19

Are You Hungry? (Poem)

How easy it would be to just eat, drink and be merry.

If only it were that simple.

The act of eating is a tightrope.

How much?

How often?

Alone or with others?

Eyes always watching leads to hiding to indulge

                                                                          punishment for an unspoken crime unknown to all.

Never having enough growing up mean there's never enough as an adult.

The minds says "no" but the mouth always say "YES!"

Food is love

Food never betrays

Food never lies

Food never leaves

Food never hurts

Always having to fight for a seat at the table, quickly grabbing food before it disappears

It's never enough but always too much

No one knows you're an addict if you hide it well enough.

Putting pen to page helps to slowly liberate the prisoner within.

Written 10.10.19

Talking Points or Song of the Introvert (Poem)

So much I want to say

Lull in conversation never appears

Words spill from my mouth at breakneck speed

Sharpened daggers aimlessly attack

Written 10.10.19

Survivor? (Poem)

Polite conversation turns deadly.

One words causes an avalanche of memories long hidden

Party at an uncle's 

uncle says to get more soda from the back 

back bedroom is where older cousin hides behind 

                  behind closed doors, he pins you down 

                       down until you spiral into pain, shame and disgust while he takes

     takes what he wants, gives nothing but loss. 

Can't move

Can't breathe

Can't fight

Can't stay

Fly away

Disengage

Destroyed

Deserted

Confiding to adults yield bitter fruits:

"This didn't happen"

"We will never speak of this again."

Silence is golden...unless the gold wears away. 

 

  

 

Written on 10.9.19 

Rediscovering Poetry Writing As Therapy

     Although I've kept a diary since 1991, I didn't start expressing my feelings through poetry in 1994. During my middle school years, my poetry was primarily rhyming and dark. After I was chosen to be be in my high school's creative writing magnet program, this allowed my to share my poetry with a larger audience through the high school's annual creative writing magazine. Once I went to college, my poetry writing decreased and the last time I wrote a poem was in February 1998.

     Towards the end of last year, I felt the desire to begin writing poetry again. Given the current state of racial unrest in the United States and global protests due to the senseless murder of George Floyd, I am using journal writing as well as poetry writing as a form of therapy. 

Having said all this, I will now be uploading my poems to this blog as I work through how to navigate through this perilous world trying to navigate life during COVID-19, and racism.