Why do I always have to be "the good girl?"

I went to church today and it was a combination of homecoming and the church anniversary. Anywho, my brother and cousin(both who have totally severed ties with the church)show up and it's like God and Jesus came down for a visit. Now I know what you're thinking...girl, you sound bitter. Well, I'm not okay...not really...okay, maybe...a little bit.

My whole thing is how can you commend someone when they have walked away from you and made no effort to come back? My mom told me that the whole reason everyone was behaving like that was because they missed them. Whatever! I think it just really made me ill how everyone came up and hugged them and adored them. (Excuse me while I lie down for a minute;all the sweetness sent me into sugar shock.)

Okay-I'm back.

So, at the end of the day, what did I learn? That if you go away, you will recieve a hero's welcome and if you're lucky, the big piece of chicken and an extra piece of pie.That is unless, you're like me and my mom.

See, we're the quiet ones. You know the type,the ones who do all the behind the scenes work at church like folding programs and stuff. I have finally come to the realization that I could leave, get married, have kids, be gone for twenty years and come back with not even one person noticing I was ever even gone.

Isn't that the saddest thing in the world to know? Yes, but sometimes, the truth is a whole lot easier to hear than a lie.

So it all comes down to one question? Why do I have to be "the good girl?" Why do I always have to do what is expected of me? Would it be a crime to want to break the rules every once in a while? Maybe the problem is that I let myself be put into this role of always doing the right thing.Then again, I'm not nearly as innocent as people think I am,so for now, I'll have to be satisfied with knowing just how bad I really am.