What happened to willpower?

I was reading a People magazine from last week and I was disgusted by the cover.The cover had two women on the front who were being praised for having cosmetic work (thousands of dollars worth)done to themselves.I feel awful that this seems to be a new trend that's sweeping the nation of having anything you can think of surgically altered.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should don't get sugery done if that makes you happy or if it's a matter of life or death. I am saying that to me, it's ridiculous seeing what measures people will go to in order to be defined as "beautiful" by society.

So far, I know of two people who have had the gastric bypass done, a girl name R. and her mother. Her mother was scared to get it done, so R. went first although the doctor told her that she didn't need the surgery.Now several months later, they've both had it done and I have a feeling that R.'s sister will eventually have it done also.R. thinks she is the most beautiful girl in the world now, but she isn't. This is becuase she has yet to learn a important lesson that come with having any type of surgery:all the money in the world can't change your mind or your attitude. If you're a mean fat person, having weight loss surgery will only turn you into a mean skinny person.

I really wonder sometimes when did we all get so lazy that we've had to resort to surgery? I kind of think it has to do with the fact that we live in an instant society when we expect eveything to happen instantly. No one believes in waiting for things anymore. Why should they when things can be done so quickly?

The other thing that annoys me to no end are people who get weight loss surgery because they don't want to be in control of their lives;they want an outside force to control them.What do I mean? Okay, let's say that I really want an extra large pizza with the works. Once I get the pizza, it's up to me to decide how much I want and to exercise the willpower to stop when I feel full. There are some people who say that they have no willpower and no control when it comes to food so they need surgery to help them.

Personally, I would never get the surgery for two very important reasons. First, I feel that I can find anohter way to lose weight without having to shell out thousands of dollars. I owe it to myself to learn to eating the proper way, not surrender to what's trendy. The other reason for me not having the surgery is because I belive what the bible says about your body being a temple. I feel that it is a complete waste of time altering your body. I mean,it's not like you're going to be able to take it with you when you die.

I went to work yesterday and was greeted with the news that A. had gotten engaged over the weekend. Of course, I was happy for her, however, this also put me into a state of....limbo? Okay, so that may not be the exact word I'm looking for,but for now, it'll do.

It's not like I'm trying to rain on anyone's parade or anything, I just hate feeling like I'm competeing with people over reaching major milestones in life. I case you have'nt figured it out yet, me and A. are both 24.

I feel that how I choose to live my life and the decisions I make are completely up to me. The problem is my family has yet to see this. According to them, I'm supposed to be married by now. Don't you find it odd how the people who always give their opinions have no postive experience to back it up?

For example, my mom (whom I love dearly) has been constantly on my case saying "you and D. should be married by now since you've been dating for five years." My whole thing with that is my mom's been married to my dad three times of course she's be advising me to go get hitched and I do kinda think she still has a torch for him. But hey, that's just me.

I suppose I'm finally realizing that the phrase "misery loves company" is alive and kicking.It seems as thoguh some married people who get divorced and are miserable want nothing more than to have a new member join the sad little club.This way, they'll have someone to gripe with as opposed to their regular circle of friends. I just feel that if you are in a crappy relationship, you are the last person in the world that should be giving anyone relationship advice.

Why complain when it's free? (with free cooking tips!)

I went on trip yesterday with my church to Nashville. We came, we sung, the pastor preached, and the afterwards, we ate.Although we had a pretty decent time there, some people still had something negative to say.

Call me crazy if you like, but I personally feel that if you are lucky enough to get anything free, especially if it's a free meal, you should thankful for your good luck. Unfortunately for me, I was with some ghetto kids who loaded down their plates with food then have the nerve to critize the quality of the food. That's enough to make you want to slap someone....repeatedly.

My whole thing is this, why would you load down your plate if you've never tasted the food before? I mean sure, food is the same all around however, there is some food that if not cooked properly, it can be god-awful. Take stuffing for example.

I'm not even going to pretend that I'm some culinary guru or anything but there is a wrong way to make something and a right way. If nothing else, at least have enough sense to read the instructions before even attempting to cook. I learned a long time ago that most cooking mishaps (the burnt food, the halfway cooked turkey, etc) were the result of not reading.This doesn't mean that reading will secure cooking success because it doesn't but it definitely helps.

In order to have cooking success, you also need to know how to measure things. Once again, I don't cook very often but I do know that importance of knowing the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon.

I guess what it all comes down to is why do people complain about things when they got it for free? That's like getting a million dollars and the complaining because you go taxed .99 cents. Why don't you just shut up and enjoy it? Don't you know how many people would kill for what you've just gotten for free! People never fail to amaze me by how ungrateful they can be.

Is a bachelor degree the new high school diploma?

I read in the newspaper yesterday that the economy is so weak that many college graduates are having to move back home with their parents and work for minimum wage. As you could imagine, this made me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only twenty something living at home with my mom.

So, I started thinking about how odd it is that just a few years ago, people who graduated with a bachelor's degree were seen as a rare breed and were paid accordingly.

Oh how the times have changed.

Not that I'm complaining about my life or anything.All I'm saying is that it sucks that I've spent four years of my life working to obtain a degree for the sole purpose of getting a good paying job and at the end of the day,I'm working at a job which barely pays my bills.I guess that worst thing about it is that people expect you to be happy where you are...they want to make you happy about the job you're doing.

I always imagined that when I finished college, I'd have a job waiting for me and that I would be able to support myself and enjoy life as an adult. Unfortunatley, life had other plans in mind.

I find myself at twenty-four years old living at home, chipping in to help pay bills, and working at the same place for the last five years except in a different position and with a few more dollars.

It seems surreal to me when exactly having a bachelor degree was no longer enough to secure a job for yourself.The strangest thing in the world to me is the fact that most jobs are wanting applicants with at least a bachelor's degree as well as experience or maybe even a person with a master's degree.

I wonder when everyone decided to raise the bar by getting a bachelor's degree which messed it up for everyone else who now have to work that much harder to fight for the already small amount of jobs that are out there.

To all the twenty something middle class poor, I hope that things get better for us instead of getting worse.

Why I have to escape sometimes

I have an confession to make...I hate being at home. I'll do whatever is needed not be be there. It's not like I totally hate my family or anything, it's just that well, the house is too small and confined.

Here's the thing. The house I live in was not built to house more than a family of three-maybe four at the most. At the most, there is about six people currently living there. Needless to say, the good times never end at my house.I like my house;it has character.

I guess the reason why I stay way from home so much is because I like being out doing stuff even if the stuff in question is lounging around and reading a book.I mean it's not like I've completely moved out.Nope, my clothes are still there and my mail still goes there.My house is just a boring place to be.

Am I not good enough to marry?

I love my boyfriend. I love him to death. The only problem is that he does want to commit. Or rather, he's commited to me but not really commited to me. What do I mean? Well, I'll explain.

Den and I have been dating for five years now exclusively and yet, he won't propose. Hell, he won't even talk about our future together.When I question him about why he won't propose, he gives me one of the following lovely responses:

1. It's not on his list of goals.
2. I can't force him to do anything until he's good and ready cause he's a man and men make their own decisions.
3. Why ruin what we have now by doing something crazy like get married ?
4. We go on trips and I buy you stuff, isn't that enough?
5. Why are you being so materialistic? (when I ask about getting an engagement ring)

Friends say I should leave him because he's never gonna take the plunge and marry me, that he'll just keep messing with my head forever.I love him a lot but part of me also thinks I've gotten too comfortable being in a relationship and I'm scared of being alone.I just get tired of feeling like he's only wants me around because it's convenient and safe and he's just waiting around until he finds someone better.

My self esteem is screwed up enough as it is without having seeds of self-doubt planted in my head.Is he with me bcause he can't find anyone else? Is he just settling? Am I good enough to fool around with,but not good enough to marry?Is that what this all comes down to, being that girl he fools around with but not the one he spends the rest of his life with?

Why do I always have to be "the good girl?"

I went to church today and it was a combination of homecoming and the church anniversary. Anywho, my brother and cousin(both who have totally severed ties with the church)show up and it's like God and Jesus came down for a visit. Now I know what you're thinking...girl, you sound bitter. Well, I'm not okay...not really...okay, maybe...a little bit.

My whole thing is how can you commend someone when they have walked away from you and made no effort to come back? My mom told me that the whole reason everyone was behaving like that was because they missed them. Whatever! I think it just really made me ill how everyone came up and hugged them and adored them. (Excuse me while I lie down for a minute;all the sweetness sent me into sugar shock.)

Okay-I'm back.

So, at the end of the day, what did I learn? That if you go away, you will recieve a hero's welcome and if you're lucky, the big piece of chicken and an extra piece of pie.That is unless, you're like me and my mom.

See, we're the quiet ones. You know the type,the ones who do all the behind the scenes work at church like folding programs and stuff. I have finally come to the realization that I could leave, get married, have kids, be gone for twenty years and come back with not even one person noticing I was ever even gone.

Isn't that the saddest thing in the world to know? Yes, but sometimes, the truth is a whole lot easier to hear than a lie.

So it all comes down to one question? Why do I have to be "the good girl?" Why do I always have to do what is expected of me? Would it be a crime to want to break the rules every once in a while? Maybe the problem is that I let myself be put into this role of always doing the right thing.Then again, I'm not nearly as innocent as people think I am,so for now, I'll have to be satisfied with knowing just how bad I really am.

I ran into an old boyfriend the other day. We had broken up years ago and in the back of my mind,I always wanted him to forever carry a torch for me.He works at Wal-Mart.

Anyway, we had a light conversation in which he told me that he wished he had married me instead of his wife.

Why do people say things like that? Why do people sometimes speak before they think?

I mean, he was a nice guy and all, but he was crazy.
I know what you're thinking,"everybody's crazy". No, I mean certifiable crazy. We'd be out together, walking in the park and having a romantic moment and then, he'd start quacking.

You read right...quacking. Like a big, six foot three duck.Needless to say, it was so not the best of times.

I don't know.I mean, I did want him to still want to be with me, pine over me, stalk me, whatever, but when I found it to be true, I was kind of confused.

I mean why do you say things like that-what's the point? Do you hope that things will go back as they were? Surely you don't expect all the years to disappear as well as your wife;that's just wrong.

When I met T., he was 21, I was 19. He worked two jobs, one at Wal-Mart,the other at the mall as a janitor.I was working at the hospital as a hospitality hostess(fancy word for dinner tray passer).He was nice but he was crazy.

End of topic.

Maybe I should just let it go. Yeah, definitely gonna let that go.

Being a grown-up is too hard

The statement was once made that you don't miss what you had until it's gone; I now know this to be true.
There are so many things I miss about being a kid that I appreciate at 24.

Here's a few things I miss:

I miss being a kid and not having responsibility.
I miss hanging out with friends during the summer all day long and then hearing my mom yell for us to come in when the streetlights came on.
I miss walking home from school on a warm spring day.
I miss running after the ice cream truck and paying with pennies.
I miss naps in the middle of the day.
I miss childhood friends (you know, the friends you had before people became popular, formed cliques, and left you behind).
I miss field trips that lasted most of the day.
I miss recess and trying the swing higher than anyone had ever swung before.
I miss the innocence of not knowing how the world really is.
I miss coming home to my grandma standing in the kitchen over a big pot collard greens.
I miss Valentine Day parties and Christmas parties where everyone got a gift/valentine.
I miss getting a new Easter Dress for church.
I miss believing that the world was infinite and that I could be whatever I wanted to be.
I miss mom making grilled chesse sandwiches and soup on cold days.
I miss when MTV actually showed music videos all day and shows occassionally.
I miss not having bills.
I miss not feeling appreciated.
I miss all the people that have passed on and all the wisdom that they gave me but I ingored.
I miss not being in certain situations again;I'd know exactly what to do/say now.
I miss having heroes.
I miss being able to walk to the corner store without the fear of being grabbed or talked to by strange men.
I miss having a dollar and thinking I was the richest girl in the world.
I miss...I miss...I miss.

Being a grown-up is too hard. I want to go back to being a kid, if only for a little while.

There's always too much to do and not enough time to do it. Bills never end, you never make enough money.
Even relaxing seems only temporary.

Another sign of being a grown-up comes when you find out that the elementary school you went to changed its name.It makes me sad because I still call it by the old name and people have no clue what I'm talking about.

I guess in the end, we're all really big children, only the playgrounds are bigger, the stakes are higher, and the social circles are larger. Still, I'd like to reclaim a little of my childhood innocence, if only for a brief moment.

Embrace your childhood cause once it's gone, it's gone for good.

Trying too hard

Sometimes I wonder if people who are trying too hard even realize that they're doing it.
You know the type: the people who always attempt to talk to everyone, even when they have nothing to say.The odd thing is that with these people, I've started waiting to see how long it's gonna take before they start a conversation with me. The conversation usually goes like this.

"Have you seen "title"?"
"No,I haven't."
"Well, I heard it was good."
"Oh,okay."
As you can gather from this conversation, I'm big on talking.

All I'm saying is don't try so hard because when you do, everyone knows it.It's like you just shot a flare gun in a church during a prayer.
Yep, it's that obvious.

When HunnyBunny met Poet (or why the rules are the same but the game is different)

There are times when I look at my boyfriend and I think to myself...what am I doing here? Initially,I hadn't planned on sticking with him this long but hey, stuff happens.

Now I don't want you to go around thinking I don't love my man, cause I do; I love him alot.

It's just that I'm now realizing that different rules apply for guys and gals. The main rule for men is that men can let themselves go as much as they want (balding, beer belly, body odor) and still get a girlfriend/wife, yet a woman with a couple of extra pounds will have men running from her as though she's sprouted a second head. I definitely know that second thing to be true from first-hand experience, not a rumor.

As for me and HunnyBunny (my boyfriend), we met because I placed a personal ad and his response made me laugh. He wrote a poem full of bad grammar and misspelled words but I thought it was so cute. Oh god, did I just say that?(please disregard that last couple of sentences).

Anyway, several laughs and five years later, we're still going strong. Although I love him dearly, friends and family keep asking me the same question:why hasn't he proposed?

He says it's not on his list of goals right now.

Don't get it? Don't feel bad, neither do I.

Just where do stupid people come from?

If you'd like to know, just ask your local librarian. We'll be so glad to tell you. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all people are stupid, just that everyone can be stupid at times.

Like just a minute ago, I picked up the phone, said the little message we always have to say when answering the phone "Huntsville Public Library", Reference, This is "blank" and what do I hear? "Oh, I was just making sure my speed-dial was set."

Huh?

I mean, I love the library and all, but not so much that I would put the Reference Department number on speed-dial. That's too much.

I sometimes have to wonder, where exactly do stupid people come from?

I can't imagine two loving caring people sitting around and deciding "hey, let's create a stupid child".

Imagine that conversation:
"Honey?"
"Yes,dear?"
"What kind of children would you like to have?"
"The dumbest children possible."
"Oh, darling! I'm so glad we both agree on this!"

Needless to say, the world would be a lot better if there were less dumb people.

But, hey... that's just what I think.